Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Perplexed in Pennsylvania
How do you reconcile two different ideas? How do married couples do it? I'm torn between feeling like I need to stand up for myself and that I'm just being selfish, always having to have things my way. You probably are asking, "what is he taking about?" Jasmine and I, of course. She would like to get married very soon, like now, and I want to wait till the end of the summer. You can give us all sorts of reasons one way or the other, but that isn't the point. It all boils down to one thing, one of us has to get their way. Do we flip a coin? Do I say, "I'm the man and I have final say?" I want to include Jasmine, my desire is to provide for her and to give her what she wants. Most of you are probably thinking dirty thoughts. Thoughts like Jasmine is trying to manipulate me into a poor decision. She has always desired to get married. My answer to you is, "so what?" You are asking two imperfect people why they aren't in a perfect relationship. I think the answer is pretty obvious. We are beyond the point where we are still asking, "are we meant together?" The budget is there, the locale is there. My only concern is a baby appearing nine months from now, but there are ways to avoid that. I feel torn, between my desire and hers. I had decided in myself, and by myself, to wait until August, but now I see that as very selfish, and once again me trying to avoid responsibility. I know that no one married reads this blog, heck most of you aren't even in a relationship. I'm still asking, if you could put aside the presuppositions for one moment and just look at the facts, what would you do?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
Well, if your only concern is a pregnancy, than I'd say why wait for the marriage. Contraception!
Also, if you already beyond "are we meant together?", than why wait.
If there are financial reasons, ok. Or some other unforeseen complication, fine. Being selfish isn't always selfish. Is it good for the relationship? If by jumping into this marriage are your personal foundations going to torn down? What the heck are personal foundations? Peter, are you just typing things that pop into your head?!?
These are all things you need to think about (sort of).... sorry, I'm being funnyish, but truly I am serious too about what I wrote. For whatever it is worth... and as if you didn't already know... It has been my experience that in a relationship you have to weigh the costs and benefits of disagreements.
Yes wives should submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22[-24]) and you have the final say if you really want it.... but just a verse down check it out "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). You have to DIE for your wife... just as Christ did for the church. What exactly does give yourself up mean... I'll leave to you... but think about it.
i like peter. i seriously really really like your answer. so can I just double everything he said? not really. but watch me!
I say, I have absolutely no flipin' idea. I recently seriously thought about what I would do if a guy even asked me, so i am far far from the marriage idea. Anyways, I think Petey brings up a good point with the personal foundation. If you guys don't have your own personal foundation, together a foundation won't magically appear. Why do you want to wait til August, maybe that reason should be the goal/indicator of when you should get married. Like we will get married when we can find our value in God and not just each other.
Also, What the heck are you thinking looking for advice from bloggers, why don't you seek wise counsel, first from God and then from various married couples who truly love and care for you guys, who want to see the best from you. Right now, I am pretty much worn out about this relationship, you need to talk to someone who can give you honest reflective counsel, not just suggestions or advice, but Godly wisdom. Stop putting it off, get HELP!
editor, a guy asked me out.
Well, I guess you got that all figured out, did you seek wise counsel?
Married?!
When did the engagement happen? I keep hearing things about a wedding and marriage but I have YET to hear about the engagement! Or even a dating life between you two.
Just for the record it goes like this...
1) dating/courtship...where you like go OUT on a date...dinner, movie, put-ut, picnic, etc. (tatoo parlors do not count as a dates)
2) engagment: You pop the question and produce a ring. You use that time to TEST your relationsip and prepare yourselves for the BIG DAY.
3) pre-marriage counseling with a wise pastor who will remain in your life and hold you accountable
4) the wedding with invitations, a blushing bride and super silliness at the reception.
5) sex (and I don't want to read about it in anybody's blog!)
For the record. I've BEEN married. It is as wonderful as it is misserable.
Statement1- dating/courtship...where you like go OUT on a date...dinner, movie, put-ut, picnic, etc. (tatoo parlors do not count as a dates)
Reply: who made that dumb rule up. They arn't us. and mom we have been dating were just to poor to go any where.
Statement 2
engagment: You pop the question and produce a ring. You use that time to TEST your relationsip and prepare yourselves for the BIG DAY.
Who needs rings we have something more perment than any olddumb piece of jewlery, Who makes these dumb rules anyway in bible they tatooed as a symbole of marrage.
Sataement 3
pre-marriage counseling with a wise pastor who will remain in your life and hold you accountable
True but what has life not thrown at us that we have not made it through,we both have spritual mentors that we keep up w/ on a regular.
Statement 4
the wedding with invitations, a blushing bride and super silliness at the reception.
All taken care of and a phone call will be made to invited a call of mayville ;)
5) sex (and I don't want to read about it in anybody's blog!)
You completly right on that one.
from a 1-10 it's an 11
*shakes his head. What have I created?
Your arguments are fallacies. You actually, just ask, who came up with that, you don't provide an argument against the statements. Rather, you simply deny the points.
1. dating/courtship - long walks almost everyday, candle-lit dinners, a concert, restaurants
2. engagement - A ring is on the way. I've been waiting to officially "ask" until I have it in hand.
3. premarital counseling - I mean besides everybody's input. We have asked Godly poeple for direction and tried to explore finances, discipline, etc. I admit it isn't enough.
4. the invitaions were oral, the bride will be blushing and the reception will be in July in WI.
5.yep.
I hope this waylays some fears. What sterted as I believe as a joke, again just gets taken too far.
"I hope this waylays some fears. What sterted as I believe as a joke, again just gets taken too far."
Thus the most common downfall of text based communication... there is no voice inflection and you can't explain yourself immediately if necessary.
This is the #1 reason I don't use Instant Messaging programs.
Post a Comment