Worthless Drivel (Do Not Read)

I can't help but feel a bug. The madcap circling of every momentous life event tearing me round and round like water around the mouth of the drain, poised to spit me into my new head space. I'm always so slow, it takes me days to register, "Jimi, you're pretty scared."
"Yeah. its the lack of sleep."
"Yeah, I haven't been in my bible a lot lately."
Yeah, I'm about to make one of the biggest decisions of my life."
*Pause*
Oh. I think I have an answer that fits the symptoms.
The list goes on and on,
1. End of school year crunch
2. Gotta find a new job
3. My friend's bout w/ heart break
4. The slow realization that this may be who I am.
*Shudder*
Its not all that bad. I just have a love of the melodrama, and the quickest way to ruin melodrama is perspective. So there, now this blog is ruined. How can I go off on some tirade on how miserable and adrift I am when I'm not that miserable or adrift. It was going to be a light hearted ditty about confusion and darkness, but no you had to go and ruin it with reason and logic.
*sigh*
I can't seem to find anything to say without sounding pretentious. Do I sound pretentious to you? Is this your idea of entertainment? Are these the things you wanted to know about my week? School is too dull to write about, unless modifying pigment stains is your thing. In which case call me up, I can regale you with stories of 1 lb. cut shellac and how I used A/B bleach to show that dark walnut who's boss. My spiritual life is too weird and quite frankly disconcerting. My social is Jasmine and the random trip to Wal-Mart, which I have been advised by my attorney to not acknowledge actually ever happened. I can't wait to see most of your shining faces, so we can talk mad trash about the ones I won't be seeing, and I'm excited to see what's going to happen. Its a page turner and I'm lucky enough its also my life.

Perplexed in Pennsylvania

How do you reconcile two different ideas? How do married couples do it? I'm torn between feeling like I need to stand up for myself and that I'm just being selfish, always having to have things my way. You probably are asking, "what is he taking about?" Jasmine and I, of course. She would like to get married very soon, like now, and I want to wait till the end of the summer. You can give us all sorts of reasons one way or the other, but that isn't the point. It all boils down to one thing, one of us has to get their way. Do we flip a coin? Do I say, "I'm the man and I have final say?" I want to include Jasmine, my desire is to provide for her and to give her what she wants. Most of you are probably thinking dirty thoughts. Thoughts like Jasmine is trying to manipulate me into a poor decision. She has always desired to get married. My answer to you is, "so what?" You are asking two imperfect people why they aren't in a perfect relationship. I think the answer is pretty obvious. We are beyond the point where we are still asking, "are we meant together?" The budget is there, the locale is there. My only concern is a baby appearing nine months from now, but there are ways to avoid that. I feel torn, between my desire and hers. I had decided in myself, and by myself, to wait until August, but now I see that as very selfish, and once again me trying to avoid responsibility. I know that no one married reads this blog, heck most of you aren't even in a relationship. I'm still asking, if you could put aside the presuppositions for one moment and just look at the facts, what would you do?

See? No Tigers. It Must Be Working.

I haven't met a germ or piece of dirt that could kill me yet. So why are we so afraid of them?

Short and Sweet

My whole life I've been told I have a slow metabolism, always with the negative connotation. Well today I realized I don't have a slow metabolism, my body is just able to use food more efficiently. Therefore from now on please refer to it as a superior metabolic process. Yeah, that's right, superior. I'm getting way more use out of the food I eat than a skinny person.

From the Boys Down at Acme

These were done with the Lego's Emily sent me a few months back.

Comic Genius

Tat New

This is the new tattoo. The one on the left is me, and the one on the right is Jasmine. We got it on Saturday. We had been plotting this one out for going on three years and it just finally worked out. This is the symbol it was designed from. It is a West African symbol.

Nkyinkyim "twisting"

It stands for:

Endurance, grace under hardship
a symbol of initiative, dynamism and versatility
The motif suggests an ability to adapt to different conditions and circumstances, and a warning that in life you need to play many different roles. Its pretty fitting, don't you think?

Not Worth Your Time

I figured I better write, because every buddy seems to be in the reading mood. I wonder if its the weather? So I have two really great blog ideas, but one requires a Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and the other a decent digital camera. I do not have these. Oh yeah, and if anybody from the Wisconsin hood goes by a George Webb's, please, please, please grab me two or so of their place mats. I would love you forever. Otherwise I have to wait until I come to visit Wisconsin in June, which is rapidly approaching, I guess. I'm so super tired today, being a Wednesday and that makes me pretty lame, which makes this entry pretty lame. I can't even think of a witty ending or anecdote, for shame. I guess nobody bats a perfect ten.

I'm Colored (Sort of a Atomic Tangerine)

Just the Usual

My dog died today. Yeah, boy, was it depressing. I had to dig a hole to put him in. Dirt is pretty sad stuff. It smells funny and makes my clothes dirty. I don't even know how I can go on being so sad and depressing all the time. *sigh.*

Prisoner of Love

My friend keeps her boyfriend in a pink box. I've seen it. Its a small box, it fits right in the palm of her hand. I don't know how she got him to fit in such a small space, but she is just that kind of girl. I think he must have done something very wrong to end up in the small pink package, but he sounds happy. I got to see his face once. She showed me, he was peering out of the small window in the box, smiling back at me. Then he turned off the light and I couldn't see him anymore. My friend seems happiest when she is with her pink box. She holds it, pressed to her ear. She has a big smile and giggles sometimes, with a little snort at the end, if its really funny. The boyfriend must also have a radio in there, because sometimes he plays music, and sometimes he must have company, because he isn't the only voice I've heard from the box. But most of the time, its just him and her. And sometimes he wants to talk to her so bad, he shakes that box so hard it makes the whole table vibrate. But sometimes I see my friend and she has tears in her eyes. I think its because she wants her boyfriend to get out of the box, but neither of them remember how he got in, in the first place. But I know they'll remember one day, and they'll be able to hold hands again or kiss, and she'll never need that pink box ever again. Lets hope so.

For Patric

This is a public apology.
Patric, I'm sorry for my actions, they were acted out in arrogance and ignorance. I can only state that they were drawn from a heart that genuinely cares about you and seeks your well being. You know where I draw my world view and how this puts us at odds. I can't change this, only attempt to explain its relevancy and necessity. That is what I attempted to do with our last talk. I'm not sure, actually I am, this is not how you took it. I love you, just because, though it may seem otherwise. I can only attempt to live out that point. I'm going to give you your space and if you decide I deserve another chance, I wait.

Please, everybody else, don't leave comments. Thank you.

Still Hungry?

A quick addendum to my yesterday. I didn't really say anything about the part that stated, oh, this is back to Hebrews 9:14, if you'll turn with me in your bibles, "...who through the eternal spirit offered himself unblemished to God...". I think its crazy, most of us recognize the work done by Christ, but most of us never knew that it was done through the Holy Spirit. What does that mean to me? If Christ, who was perfect and could do whatever he wanted, because he was God, had to offer himself to God through the Spirit, or didn't have to, but it was orchestrated that way. It infers a model to how we are to offer ourselves to God. Now, how to make this applicable? I don't know, its just a thought, probably a "duh" to most of you. I like looking for the secrets. The Bible says there are mysteries of God and that they are revealed to us through the Holy Spirit, which searches the mind of God. That's mad cool! I want that. So this Holy Spirit Dude has definitely got something to offer. In other verses it mentions his teaching abilities and his ability to bring comfort. So how do we interact with him? I guess I need to find an answer.

Its What I Know

I have nothing to really report so I'm just going to riff off of some random idea.
I've decided to form my reality to perceive the literal more metaphorically, and the metaphorically more literal. I hope I don't lose my mind in the process, but hey there is always the off chance I'll find it again. Anyways back to the point, let me illustrate. In a literal sense, America is very uncaring of its youth. Now to replace with a metaphor. America feeds her children to the flames to fuel the machine. I'm drawing this from the biblical accounts of the child sacrifices to Moloch. I'm intending later to work it into a project w/ this concept forming the basis for one of the planets within the entire theme. The machine is power and success, affluence. We do it in the name of the future and prosperity, much like the people in the Bible did, to bring the rains, supposedly. I find it so ironic we destroy our future to secure it, and its becoming painstakingly obvious to even non-believers. Though the solution is much debated. Broken homes, drug use, absent fathers, and drug use to enforce obedience and complacency, are the charred remains of our children. These are the steps we've taken to provide luxury and prosperity to ourselves. We live in pleasure at the cost of our children. It is just that simple. Now to take a metaphor and bring it to a more literal sense. I find myself struggling in some stronghold that will remain unspoken, its nothing new, its just gained new urgency in the passing days. While seeking answers to overcome this stranglehold, I stumbled across these words. "
They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony..."
Revelations 12:11a
The blood is a recurring theme in my faith, but one that is not very well understood by me. I decided that a key to my victory was in this blood. But everything I come across seem to just be some hocus pocus, voodoo who do something no one can explain. So I don't like not understanding things and set my mind to the task. Blood in the Bible is atonement, which is a big word for amends. It makes up for, easy enough. So Christ blood makes up for our sins. End of story, right? It is, in a sense, the work of the blood is done, but its got to sink into our brains. We have to grasp that its done. This is broke down in Hebrews 9:14, which goes something like this:
"...the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, [will] cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death/useless rituals, so that we may serve the living God!"
So more victory, good stuff. Christ's blood is God's forgiveness and as we grasp this, grasp this amend that has been made it will wash our brains from hating God and following stupid rules to actually doing what God wants. Forgiving is a huge part of God's economy, so much so that he states that if we don't forgive others, God won't forgive us. But don't fear, Christ's blood is at work cleanse our minds, helping us to give up those lethal acts. So I guess to wrap it up, my goal is to seek a better understanding of God's forgiveness and loyal love, that is what being cleansed is all about. Its pretty easy, every sin and shortcoming I have creates an opportunity for God to pour in His forgiveness and love, and every Scripture helps to deepen the depth of those moments. I'm sorry Patric for talking religion, its just where I'm at today. To everybody else. Please feel free to criticize me and to raise questions about my understanding and interpretation. I want to know the whole Truth and not just my understanding of it. I hope this leaves you encouraged and maybe a touch refreshed, but mostly I pray it creates a curiosity towards God.

I AM, the Church

I would like everybody to check these out and tell me what you think.
I haven't spent a lot of time looking in to it but what I saw was very moving.
smallfire.org
alternativeworship.org
emergingchurch.info