Out of Habit, Stronger Than Ambition

Their is less than three weeks, in which, the conclusion of the last twenty-two months of my life will be reached. Yes it is true, I am finally leaving the umbrella from the storm of life I call, Teen Challenge. I will be entering the small circle of another umbrella called Thaddeus Stevens College of Technology. To say apprehensive would be redundant. No parents, no friends, no one but my God and and my dreams, which by the way keep me up at night. Did I mention that? It seems satisfaction and success are a thing of the past. A thing for old people, motivational speakers and valedictorian. They don't exist in the real world, especially among christians, at least not in my generation. We all are miserable failures, or beautiful failures. We are being robbed. I'm so uncertain I can do anything to change it, it being myself. I want to make a difference, but everyone I care about, everyone I relate to is trapped in sin and running from God. Why? More importantly..."Why not me?" Am I just waiting? Is the only reason I'm still standing b/c I'm still in Teen Challenge. I refuse to be come institutionalized. I would rather be dead. I mean that. Does this sound like fear? Do you like questions?