What I Think is the End of My Dream (I Don't Know, I Was Awakened by the Alarm Clock

Tim cried himself dry. He went hoarse. The only sound he could make were small grunts and sighs, sounds that didn't require the use of badly damaged vocal chords. He writhed in his small room, like an animal in a snare, his caught leg half chewed through, trapped by his own thoughtlessness. He was grieving. The change was dramatic, the fire had been extinguished. His eyes had become milky and carried a hundred yard stare. His once rigid frame was now made more gaunt by drooping shoulders, and a deliberate walk replaced by a somnambulistic shuffle. He was placed on suicide watch and beside the omnipresent video surveillance, a guard checked in on him every hour. He didn't move from his bed, but instead turned, one side, the other, back and forth, for three days, then he stopped. He rose uncertainly from the bed took two stumbling strides and fell prostrate on the floor. He clenched his hands white above his head and tucked his knees up to his chest, face down, buried in the floor. He began to rock, forwards and backward to a steady inaudible rhythm. The guard decided to make his round a little early, goaded by his growing curiosity. He strode his confident cop walk to the door of the cell and opened the small slot where the food tray was usually passed through. A small hoarse croak grated its way through the slit.
"I'm sorry, Lord, so sorry, forgive me, you will always forgive me"
The officer felt the blood and bile rise in his throat, a well of repressed hatred and disgust. All these criminals, this scum crying out for forgiveness for their atrocities. The door of the cell flew open. Tim raised his head from the floor a moment before it was driven back by the force of the officer's immaculate, black polished boot.
"There is no forgiveness for you, for any of you, you sick fuck! You killed a whole family, beautiful little girls, beautiful wife! There is no forgiveness for that!"
The boot continued to fall without remorse, until there was little left that could even be recognized as human. The whole of Tim's face was a mess, destroyed by the force of the officer's hatred. The only thing recognizable was his mouth, amidst the broken teeth and blood was his dieing expression, it was his giant smile.

A Wrinkle in Time

Wrinkles are a record of life. They are a timeline of events and how they were taken. The tears run rivulets down the cheeks. The eyes draw lines out like a seed giving bloom into branches creating a permanent expression. They match the lines around the mouth, a dead give away pressed into a permanent smile or scowl. The forehead folds into a look of deep thought, a look of wisdom. I find it almost unfathomable why you would want to erase them, to return it to its youthful inexperience. The shallow and vain are ashamed they have lived so much life and yet are so little the better for it. Their faux-youth is a disguise, it is an attempt to reconcile their mind to their appearance, to create an excuse for their immaturity. True wisdom and perspective wear wrinkles as an honor and a witness to lessons learned and character forged in the kiln of adversity. Hardship is worn like a scar across the chest of a heart patient, a testament to the ability of the human spirit to overcome and thrive. The rich and vain erase this record, ashamed that they have no right to wear such a badge.

Joy to the World

So I officially have one week of school and its maddening. I swore I would never get sucked into the maelstrom of finals, but when I caught myself pondering the best spot to jump from our school's clocktower, I knew I had lost. So you might be happy to hear I didn't carry out my desperate plot and instead spent a little extra time in shop attempting to catch up. I am now in "the know." Through the grace of God (emphasis on that part), I have lived through yet another crisis, I feel ready to face the world, or at least the holiday season. They call it Christmas break, its anything but. They just had to lighten the load somehow and you can't stop a freight train like Christmas, so in a last ditch effort to reduce the pressure, all other systems are put on hold and the power is rerouted to the Christmas Drive. This lets the holiday gain a fevered pitch that accumulates into a one day orgy of covetousness, gluttony, and greed. This is the best way we could think to celebrate the birth of the Messiah. I love it, and you should love it to.

Short Christmas Rant

I feel like I should talk about something Christmas-y and festive. I've already being overexposed to bad Christmas song remakes and I had to go on a Christmas light run to WalMart so my friends could destroy any appeal their room had. So maybe its a better idea to keep my "bah, humbug" to myself. There is probably somebody out there who still in love with the holiday season. Good for you. Tis the season.

What Do You Think of That?

This is a question for the readers. Do you find you have to disagree w/ almost everything your mind says? You know all them Pentecostal told me, when I pray I need to also listen to God. I don't buy it. God is not the voice in my head, and now I feel a whole lot better. That voice is out to kill me. It makes a whole lot more sense that God be on the outside. It is another pentecostal lie that says that Jesus lives in your heart. The Word is in our heart, which is Christ in a way, in the way of his mindset, not his actual being. Their is no person on the inside you should be listening to. Due to my previous history of drug use, a gate has been opened and not a ot of good things got through. I sincerely believe that drugs open the mind to the spiritual world, but both sides get in. If you don't believe me, go find some truly burnt out hippies. They have some pretty strange ideas and some satranger behavior. Where do you think that influence comes from? I watched a program on the CNN Book Channel or whatever its called. The man that was speaking had just had a book published called "The God Delusion". He blames the idea of God for a lot of things. I watched his program and find myself disappointed. All his arguments were at best trite. I realized that in myself I'm looking for something, some solid argument, so I could be, "Aha God, yeah he showed you." I don't want to believe in God. I don't want to believe this is the Truth. But nothing else even comes close. In this I realized that God is terrible. This was so refreshing! I don't meant the terrible that is more closely related to awful. I mean the terrible that means great w/ a touch of exciting terror and awe. The kind of terrible that is so jealous and wild that He will destroy your life, your world, just to force you to your knees, to force you to His Breast. A big and determined lover that pursues harder than any Jason or Freddy Krueger, and for some reason that makes me happy.

How Bored Must the Readers Be?

See the whole point I was trying to make yesterday was..... oh, nevermind. You win. I will continue to try to place a few words every few days to appease the masses. I attend an adult youth group. Its the best way to describe it. Those who haven't caved yet to the Sunday Morning Christianity can come Tuesday nights to a relaxed informal atmosphere w/ coffee and movie clips. Its filled with mostly twenty-somethings and its jut as common to hear Stevie Wonder as Mercyme, or as I call them Mercyplz, as in please turn them off. So we just started a teaching on how the world views the church, good, bad, and funny. It is pretty eye opening and I feels like this could lead to something deeper. Last week we looked at the dangers of conforming vs. isolating, and tried to figure out how to balance in the middle. This is the exact sort of struggle I'm having right now in my own life. Where is the line? The best I can say right now is it moves, so follow the Spirit and you'll always be on the right side.

Vacancy

Somewhere in the last two months I climbed back in my head. I was out for about two years, I learned alot, but now I need to mull it over, "overanalyze" it, and I might come out again after that. I sit down to think my great prophetic insights and find I have none. Therefore I feel to write anything is to simply waste your time. My life is not exciting enough to write about, I don't pay close enough attention to the outside world to find anything interesting there, and as aforementioned the brain is on drain. I can make you a pretty nice dovetail joint though. I'm really still struggling to define myself in my new enviroment, I find myself drawn to some of my old habits (cigarettes and video games) and still trying to break the grip of others. I also find myself drifting from others, writing. I finding myself with a stronger desire for God and desire to find something to do for Him, otherwise just treading water, and learning about varnish.

Somewhere in Space

Sorry everybody, I know I just sort of dropped off the face of the earth. My computer has an unregistered version of Windows, so I can't log in, and nothing worth writing about has happened, and I'm just really going through a dark time. I could use prayer, if you do that sort of thing, just that my faith gets strengthened. How is that for vague? Otherwise call me and we can talk about it, maybe. I'm doing better and plan on improving more, its just an uphill battle and I was feeling pretty alone for awhile. Things are getting better, or getting worse before they get better, but they always get better.

Hey, That's My Answer

An unidentified teen was expelled from Thaddeus Stevens today on account of plagiarism. It appeared the student had been taking very detailed notes from the teacher's lectures and from the textbooks provided for the class. The teen had then been studying these notes and using them to answer test and homework assignments, without giving the proper citations to the source material. The student was quoted as saying, "I guess I saw everybody else doing it and thought it was okay. The people who didn't take notes really seemed to be struggling, and I knew I didn't want to be one of them. This was the only thing I could think to do." It would be comforting if this were an isolated case, but across the United States and even in other countries, a pandemic of note taking is undermining the educational system. Many teachers are fighting back and are requiring a no pencil policy in their classrooms. But even here the students have begun to use cell phones to dictate key points.
"I don't want students thinking they can use the information I provide to answer complicated questions. I worked hard to arrive at these conclusions and I don't appreciate some slacker coming along, copying the information, and thinking he has the right to use it." This quote of a local High School Math teacher is the common sentiment felt around the world, a world that is tired of being taken for granted for being smart.

Breaking News

There was an assasination attempt on our president today, our student president. She had become very vocal recently about affirmitaive action in grades. Under the new initiative a certain percentage of the A's would have to be allocated to ethnic minorities. This initiative faced strong opposition from the Math Club lobbies and the Honor Society lobby. This tension exploded today, when the president, en route between addressing the student congress and a luncheon with the ambassador to UPenn, was gunned down by an unknown assailant. As of the hour, the police are investigating the list of potential valedictorians to see if they kind find a suspect to link to the crime. The President is recovering in her Presidential Dorm Room under the watchful eye of Wackenhut Secret Security.
p.s. Penny here is your link to the The Hug Poem.

A Can of Lies

I was first introduced to Half-Caff today. Its created by Folger's and is advertised as the same full taste with only half the caffeine. To be quite frank, I don't trust it. The Half-Caff is spelled with two f's, which is the exact same amount of f's in the regular caffeinated version. If it has half the caffeine, shouldn't it have half the f's? Yeah it should, and Folger's knows that, so it makes me wonder, "Why the two f's?" The answer is obvious, because its actually slightly more than half the caffeine. Oh Folger's, you thought you could fool the regular joe, but I have caught you in your own lies, so for that I'm sticking to the regular joe.

Venn Zen

You all need to check this out at least once, or if you're like me it will go into your growing list of blogs to keep tabs on. Its a pretty funny take on life brought to you in easy (usually) to understand chart form. The dots that are connected in this artist's mind are hilarious and off-kilter, one of my favorite combinations. So don't take my word for it, get to it.

Movies That Move the Masses

This is a list I found. It is a good list, a down-home list. This isn't some elitist, artsy-fartsy, so I look so cultured, list. This is the list of the masses. So check it out, watch them, enjoy them, and see what you think.
p.s. I got the link working now. Sorry.

Politics According to Google

This is just a funny little quirk, or is it? What I need you to do is go to the Google homepage and search the word "failure" or better yet "miserable failure" and check out who you get. Why, you might ask? Maybe because of his lousy performance and maybe because of this. I'll let you decide, either way, its funny.

Because People Need to Know

The boy scouts have an a long illustrious history. They have served Americans throughout the ages in various forms: teaching young boys responsibility, decorating doors in Christmas wreathes, helping old ladies across the street, and selling those wonderful cookies. Wait, girl scouts sell the cookies, but I eat them in honor of the boy scouts. But the best part of boy scouts by far is the earning of merit badges. These small, round little wonders let the world know, that you are not some simple loser, but that you have accomplished something, you are somebody. But alas, all those not active in boy scout-dom have been deprived of the immense joy and sense of accomplishment contained in that small cotton patch. All that is about to change. For the first time ever, I'm offering the everyman scout merit badges. Using the top secret method I can custom make a merit badge, so you can show the world, what you have accomplished. This is going to be the first line of badges:

Watched the Entire First Season of Macgyver Merit Badge

Maxed Out All My Credit Cards Merit Badge

Master Myspace Design Layout Merit Badge

and my personal favorite, Mashed Potato Sculpture Merit Badge

This is just the start of, I hope, a long history of enabling people to proudly wear their accomplishments for all to see. But I need more ideas, so everybody, cough'em up. Tell me what I should make into the second wave of badges. No one is exempt, no accomplishment to small, no reference too vague, lets show the world, I am Somebody.

All Points Bulletin On My Evil Twin

This is warning to all people I know, their is an evil twin out there trying to kill me. She has been trying to get information about my whereabouts, you must not, I repeat, you must not tell her anything. She's crazy and quite possibly emo. She can be recognized b/c like me, she was born on July 26th, and like me, she has an older half-sister, three younger siblings, a mom from a South American country, and a dad from a small town in Wisconsin. She often goes by the alias, Anna Marie Pickled Cucumbers Banana Sandwich Von Crapp and claims to be my daughter, just to get information from unsuspecting relatives. She is very persuasive and often tries to convince others that in fact I'm the evil twin. This is untrue. I was born first and she was cloned from me. Do not believe her story about I'm the evil clone and she was sent back to the past to kill me. Do not be persuaded by her trend setting futuristic style or her knowledge of my family and friends. She is very smart and very convincing. If you have any information regarding my evil twin, please let me know, and for goodness sake, do not tell her I'm living in Pennsylvania, or that my email address is notminebydesign@yahoo.com, or that I have this top secret blog. The results could be catastrophic.

My Legacy

I got into a little trouble today. I think if the officer hadn't understood my confusion, it could have been a lot of trouble. You see, my friend told me that "Children are the future". I thought that was pretty cool and it really simplified things for me in my mind. So for the rest of the day any kid I ran across got a "hertz doughnut" in the arm. Anyone who doesn't know what a hertz doughnut is, its when you punch someone in the arm and say "hertz doughnut". Well I guess their is some law against hitting children, because some over protective mom must have let the authorities know and they were knocking on my door that night. They were a bit confused and surprised by my behavior and were looking for an explanation. I told them about my friend and how had explained about children being the future. I told that I had intense desire to be famous and leave behind a legacy. I guess the long and short of it was, I was trying to leave a lasting mark on the future. They kind of just stared at me with their mouths slightly open and then, shaking their heads turned and walked away.

Ode to Old

I think it says something about old age if you can sport a World's Greatest Grandparents T-Shirt and think you actually are. I think they must, why else would they being wearing it? Maybe it is some sort of competition initiation. If you think your the world's greatest grandparent, buy this shirt, wear it, and when you run into a similarly dressed geriatric, the fun begins. Right out of the gate, they both go for the cheek-pull, it is judged on final distance of the cheek from the face and the longevity of soreness and redness, whining and squirming on the part of the recipient is also duly noted. Next, the elderly contestant attempts to regal us with one of his "back in my day" stories. Points are awarded here for the number of yawns and eye rolls and how quickly the listener remembers he left a cake in the oven or a child down a well. Senior moments are encouraged. If any of the contestants can pull off the difficult maneuver of falling asleep mid-sentence, the victory, is pretty much a given. The final feat of senility is the guilt trip. Here the senior is attempts to convince the listener that they don't visit enough and are entirely ungrateful for the hard work and skillful mastery of raising this family. Tears have become almost mandatory for a competitive edge and anything from threats to bribes have been employed to ensure a swift return. This is always a food time for the grandparent to pull out old skeletons and family secrets, especially hinting at them in front of strangers and in public places. The points are tallied up and the final victor is decided. As a badge for their victory, the loser is stripped of all their world's greatest paraphanelia, this includes key chains, license plates, t-shirts, visors, and fanny packs. These items are awarded to the victor. This and discount coffee with my AARP discount are why I can't wait to get old.

Math is My Friend

Today in breaking news, math has proven once and for all that girls are evil.
The equation as I understand it goes like this:

Girls require time and money.

"Time is money."

So girls are money squared.

Money is the root of all evil.

So girls are evil.


This and other math breakthroughs can be found here.

Whatsamatta U

I'm in my first week of Vo-Tech School. That stands for Vocational and Technical for those of you who didn't know. Trade Schools are kind of infamous for their "bottom of the barrel" student body and I have the perfect example. I am not making this up. These words actually had the opportunity to be expelled from a student's mouth. The question was, "What is a plethora?" The reply? "Oh, isn't that those fake leather pants you buy at the mall?" Three days in and I feel smarter already.