Hey, That's My Answer

An unidentified teen was expelled from Thaddeus Stevens today on account of plagiarism. It appeared the student had been taking very detailed notes from the teacher's lectures and from the textbooks provided for the class. The teen had then been studying these notes and using them to answer test and homework assignments, without giving the proper citations to the source material. The student was quoted as saying, "I guess I saw everybody else doing it and thought it was okay. The people who didn't take notes really seemed to be struggling, and I knew I didn't want to be one of them. This was the only thing I could think to do." It would be comforting if this were an isolated case, but across the United States and even in other countries, a pandemic of note taking is undermining the educational system. Many teachers are fighting back and are requiring a no pencil policy in their classrooms. But even here the students have begun to use cell phones to dictate key points.
"I don't want students thinking they can use the information I provide to answer complicated questions. I worked hard to arrive at these conclusions and I don't appreciate some slacker coming along, copying the information, and thinking he has the right to use it." This quote of a local High School Math teacher is the common sentiment felt around the world, a world that is tired of being taken for granted for being smart.

Breaking News

There was an assasination attempt on our president today, our student president. She had become very vocal recently about affirmitaive action in grades. Under the new initiative a certain percentage of the A's would have to be allocated to ethnic minorities. This initiative faced strong opposition from the Math Club lobbies and the Honor Society lobby. This tension exploded today, when the president, en route between addressing the student congress and a luncheon with the ambassador to UPenn, was gunned down by an unknown assailant. As of the hour, the police are investigating the list of potential valedictorians to see if they kind find a suspect to link to the crime. The President is recovering in her Presidential Dorm Room under the watchful eye of Wackenhut Secret Security.
p.s. Penny here is your link to the The Hug Poem.

A Can of Lies

I was first introduced to Half-Caff today. Its created by Folger's and is advertised as the same full taste with only half the caffeine. To be quite frank, I don't trust it. The Half-Caff is spelled with two f's, which is the exact same amount of f's in the regular caffeinated version. If it has half the caffeine, shouldn't it have half the f's? Yeah it should, and Folger's knows that, so it makes me wonder, "Why the two f's?" The answer is obvious, because its actually slightly more than half the caffeine. Oh Folger's, you thought you could fool the regular joe, but I have caught you in your own lies, so for that I'm sticking to the regular joe.

Venn Zen

You all need to check this out at least once, or if you're like me it will go into your growing list of blogs to keep tabs on. Its a pretty funny take on life brought to you in easy (usually) to understand chart form. The dots that are connected in this artist's mind are hilarious and off-kilter, one of my favorite combinations. So don't take my word for it, get to it.

Movies That Move the Masses

This is a list I found. It is a good list, a down-home list. This isn't some elitist, artsy-fartsy, so I look so cultured, list. This is the list of the masses. So check it out, watch them, enjoy them, and see what you think.
p.s. I got the link working now. Sorry.

Politics According to Google

This is just a funny little quirk, or is it? What I need you to do is go to the Google homepage and search the word "failure" or better yet "miserable failure" and check out who you get. Why, you might ask? Maybe because of his lousy performance and maybe because of this. I'll let you decide, either way, its funny.

Because People Need to Know

The boy scouts have an a long illustrious history. They have served Americans throughout the ages in various forms: teaching young boys responsibility, decorating doors in Christmas wreathes, helping old ladies across the street, and selling those wonderful cookies. Wait, girl scouts sell the cookies, but I eat them in honor of the boy scouts. But the best part of boy scouts by far is the earning of merit badges. These small, round little wonders let the world know, that you are not some simple loser, but that you have accomplished something, you are somebody. But alas, all those not active in boy scout-dom have been deprived of the immense joy and sense of accomplishment contained in that small cotton patch. All that is about to change. For the first time ever, I'm offering the everyman scout merit badges. Using the top secret method I can custom make a merit badge, so you can show the world, what you have accomplished. This is going to be the first line of badges:

Watched the Entire First Season of Macgyver Merit Badge

Maxed Out All My Credit Cards Merit Badge

Master Myspace Design Layout Merit Badge

and my personal favorite, Mashed Potato Sculpture Merit Badge

This is just the start of, I hope, a long history of enabling people to proudly wear their accomplishments for all to see. But I need more ideas, so everybody, cough'em up. Tell me what I should make into the second wave of badges. No one is exempt, no accomplishment to small, no reference too vague, lets show the world, I am Somebody.

All Points Bulletin On My Evil Twin

This is warning to all people I know, their is an evil twin out there trying to kill me. She has been trying to get information about my whereabouts, you must not, I repeat, you must not tell her anything. She's crazy and quite possibly emo. She can be recognized b/c like me, she was born on July 26th, and like me, she has an older half-sister, three younger siblings, a mom from a South American country, and a dad from a small town in Wisconsin. She often goes by the alias, Anna Marie Pickled Cucumbers Banana Sandwich Von Crapp and claims to be my daughter, just to get information from unsuspecting relatives. She is very persuasive and often tries to convince others that in fact I'm the evil twin. This is untrue. I was born first and she was cloned from me. Do not believe her story about I'm the evil clone and she was sent back to the past to kill me. Do not be persuaded by her trend setting futuristic style or her knowledge of my family and friends. She is very smart and very convincing. If you have any information regarding my evil twin, please let me know, and for goodness sake, do not tell her I'm living in Pennsylvania, or that my email address is notminebydesign@yahoo.com, or that I have this top secret blog. The results could be catastrophic.

My Legacy

I got into a little trouble today. I think if the officer hadn't understood my confusion, it could have been a lot of trouble. You see, my friend told me that "Children are the future". I thought that was pretty cool and it really simplified things for me in my mind. So for the rest of the day any kid I ran across got a "hertz doughnut" in the arm. Anyone who doesn't know what a hertz doughnut is, its when you punch someone in the arm and say "hertz doughnut". Well I guess their is some law against hitting children, because some over protective mom must have let the authorities know and they were knocking on my door that night. They were a bit confused and surprised by my behavior and were looking for an explanation. I told them about my friend and how had explained about children being the future. I told that I had intense desire to be famous and leave behind a legacy. I guess the long and short of it was, I was trying to leave a lasting mark on the future. They kind of just stared at me with their mouths slightly open and then, shaking their heads turned and walked away.

Ode to Old

I think it says something about old age if you can sport a World's Greatest Grandparents T-Shirt and think you actually are. I think they must, why else would they being wearing it? Maybe it is some sort of competition initiation. If you think your the world's greatest grandparent, buy this shirt, wear it, and when you run into a similarly dressed geriatric, the fun begins. Right out of the gate, they both go for the cheek-pull, it is judged on final distance of the cheek from the face and the longevity of soreness and redness, whining and squirming on the part of the recipient is also duly noted. Next, the elderly contestant attempts to regal us with one of his "back in my day" stories. Points are awarded here for the number of yawns and eye rolls and how quickly the listener remembers he left a cake in the oven or a child down a well. Senior moments are encouraged. If any of the contestants can pull off the difficult maneuver of falling asleep mid-sentence, the victory, is pretty much a given. The final feat of senility is the guilt trip. Here the senior is attempts to convince the listener that they don't visit enough and are entirely ungrateful for the hard work and skillful mastery of raising this family. Tears have become almost mandatory for a competitive edge and anything from threats to bribes have been employed to ensure a swift return. This is always a food time for the grandparent to pull out old skeletons and family secrets, especially hinting at them in front of strangers and in public places. The points are tallied up and the final victor is decided. As a badge for their victory, the loser is stripped of all their world's greatest paraphanelia, this includes key chains, license plates, t-shirts, visors, and fanny packs. These items are awarded to the victor. This and discount coffee with my AARP discount are why I can't wait to get old.

Math is My Friend

Today in breaking news, math has proven once and for all that girls are evil.
The equation as I understand it goes like this:

Girls require time and money.

"Time is money."

So girls are money squared.

Money is the root of all evil.

So girls are evil.


This and other math breakthroughs can be found here.